While waiting for test results….

I will share my thoughts.

I know.

Hold on to your pants.

  • my house looks like it threw up.
  • my laundry has not folded itself
  • I told it to.
  • Stupid laundry.
  • I wish I could share with you that I have lost all my stress weight.
  • But I haven’t.
  • So I can’t.
  • Pass the crackers.
  • I have a slight obsession with my daughters bald head.
  • I have a slight obsession with touching and rubbing said head.
  • “slight” is subjective.
  • all our kids will be at the same school next year
  • all our kids are SO excited.
  • me too.
  • why are june bugs crawling all over?
  • do they not consult the calendar?
  • they don’t consult me
  • I am scared.
  • of the summer.
  • and the pool.
  • and bathing suits.
  • and cellulite
  • I love being outside
  • I detest the smell of outside once inside
  • wow
  • that made very little sense
  • what else is new
  • I miss my sisters
  • my bestie and her sweet girl are coming TODAY
  • I am so freaking excited
  • SNL Surprise??
  • Anyone??
  • My lips are dry, my knuckles are locked
  • Two babies at the SAME TIME?
  • It is on HULU
  • You are welcome
  • more dead armadillos
  • thankfully not in the hay meadow
  • just on the road
  • turtles will be next
  • I hate turtles
  • they scare me
  • especially big ones
  • all dry and wrinkly
  • I love lotion
  • Katie has learned many things through her cancer trip
  • the main one
  • she NEVER wants to be a nurse or doctor
  • but she loves hers
  • things I have learned
  • always carry an emesis bag
  • look at that word
  • it is fancy
  • and never ever wear non-waterproof mascara
  • if you could wouldn’t you want clean sheet day everyday?
  • haven’t been sleeping well
  • there is no good TV on at night
  • ever listened to Coast to Coast AM?
  • wow
  • please do
  • at your earliest convenience
  • I have learned much about aliens
  • and doomsday preparation
  • and people in Arkansas.
  • I love the news here in OK.
  • I do.
  • the weather guy wears a sparkly bedazzled tie when there is bad weather
  • in LA the weather guy talks about Britney Spears.
  • I have learned to LOVE thunderstorms
  • our back yard floods
  • Michael gets out a sump pump
  • that is fun to say
  • like francisco
  • I cannot not wear make up anymore
  • I feel old
  • let’s get real
  • I look old.
  • I want to go on a vacation.
  • I would love to go to Hawaii.
  • but.
  • That means bathing suits.
  • remember the crackers?
  • and the cellulite?
  • never mind.
  • I love cake batter.
  • and cookie dough.
  • maybe I am starting to see a reason for my fears
  • of summer.
  • RING PHONE
  • this waiting for test results is killing me.
  • so now
  • I will go
  • smash june bugs
  • fold sheets
  • and pray that whatever Maisy has in her mouth right now
  • isn’t an armadillo
  • um
  • ew
  • EW
  • a turtle.
  • Goodbye
  • forever.
  • or until tomorrow.
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7 Years Ago

Image

We met this little bundle.

ImageShe had already won our hearts.

ImageHer joy was infectious.

ImageHer smile lit up every room.

ImageShe opened a place in my heart that I never knew existed.

Image

She brought us a deeper knowledge of the love of our Father.

ImageOur lives have been forever changed.

ImageOur joy is bigger.

ImageOur goofiness is goofier.

Image7 years with you

Image

Have been amazing

ImageSweet Katherine Mei Jingying Markmiller

ImageYou amaze us with your courage.

ImageYou inspire us.

ImageHappy Gotcha Day sugar plum.

ImageWe love you.  Forever and always.

Stuff

Alright.  We are about 3 weeks into our new reality.  And I am tired.  Exhausted really.  And have been eating way too much.  So here goes.  My thoughts in random form.  Which truly is how they happen.  I know.  Creepy.

  • I cannot keep up with the dog hair on my floors.
  • my older dog makes me sad.
  • he is not in pain but has a really hard time walking
  • and I have to lift him outside sometimes.
  • this is not good when he has to poop
  • sometimes I lift him and maybe just maybe I ignite the launch sequence.
  • Ew.
  • The Middle makes me laugh.
  • Modern Family makes me laugh.
  • Dance Mom’s makes me mad.
  • I can’t watch it anymore
  • Katie Mei is supposed to be resting.
  • She is exhausted.
  • But she is cleaning her room.
  • on her own.
  • I love that girl.
  • My air conditioning went on in my house
  • in March.
  • we have been watching The Facts of Life.
  • I love Tootie.
  • And Natalie.
  • who would name their kid Tootie?
  • I mean really?
  • Wait
  • I did have a friend named Twinkie Marsh.
  • really
  • I did
  • air conditioning smells a little like feet when it first clicks on
  • maybe we need a new filter
  • thrilling blog you are reading
  • I feel really bad
  • Helen Keller jokes make me laugh
  • Jack knows a bunch
  • at dinner the other night Jack made Sam laugh so hard he spit water all over
  • I could not stop laughing
  • I want to go to Hawaii
  • or England
  • last week at Chemo there was a family from England.
  • The mom said very loudly “Johnny don’t be so DAFT”
  • I think I laughed for about an hour
  • and I use that line all the time.
  • DAFT
  • dude
  • that is an awesome word
  • I have totally been stress eating
  • wish I was one of those people that couldn’t eat when stressed
  • I am not
  • I eat
  • one of the chemo drugs makes her pee red
  • freaked Michael out a little
  • heh
  • I haven’t slept through the night in 3 weeks
  • I feel like newborn baby days
  • I didn’t do well in those days
  • I got crabby
  • really crabby
  • oooh crab sounds good right now
  • right back to food
  • I may have some fun news to share soon
  • and NO
  • we are not adopting, having a baby or otherwise adding to our family in any way
  • it is pure fun
  • and crazy
  • and insane
  • and I rethinking it every second
  • but I will go through with it
  • I think
  • stay tuned for that one
  • we need a new barbque
  • The Duggar’s say “let’s grill out”
  • really?
  • grill out?
  • does anyone else say that?
  • I cannot wait for Family Kamp this summer
  • I cannot wait for a night away with my husband
  • I can wait to go wig shopping
  • anyone want a cute friendly 3 year old golden retriever
  • though I love her
  • we will keep her
  • her hair is killing me
  • well
  • I am boring myself
  • so I will go
  • aw crap
  • I just saw a fly.
  • it is WAY to early for flies.
  • goodbye.

Welcome to the family

I have heard those words a few times in my life.  At a new church, which is most welcome.  When we entered the world of adoption, amazingly wonderful.  Even dealing with a colicky baby, we were warmly welcomed into that family as well.

This past week we have been welcomed into another family.  One I think I never anticipated being a part of.  The cancer family.  Cancer.  Wow. That is a huge word to me.  And sounds so strange rolling off my tongue.

Our sweet girl, Katie Mei has been diagnosed with stage 2 Hodgkins Lymphoma.  We are are thankful that we found out, thankful that we have an amazingly wonderful family physician who is walking through this with us.  And now, we have a brand new family.  One that includes a doctor who is kind, and knows his stuff- and also treated Katie Mei with kindness, humor and truly listened and answered her every question.  A new family that includes what I perceive to be our lifeline- the sweet nurses.  And the other children and families sharing this road.  How blessed we are.

So, here we are.  On a road we didn’t expect.  Our families life is diverted, changed.  And certainly not in the direction we were headed.  Or so we thought.  We have been comforted and convicted in the fact that this journey is not a surprise for our God.  He knew that we would be walking this road.  He knew that our sweet Katie Mei would be facing this big monster called Cancer.

Above all else, we feel Him.  We feel His overwhelming love and peace and ultimately his healing.  Katie Mei said to me yesterday “Momma, I am scared.  That word, cancer is so scary.  But  Momma, God is bigger then this.  He is bigger, and I want other people to know that.” My sweet girl, indeed God is bigger then this cancer that has invaded your beautiful body.

I wish it was me.  I wish I had those awful cells multiplying inside me.  But, it is my sweet girl.  So while we didn’t expect this path, didn’t see this turn in the road, here we are.  Facing this rough patch.  All the while having the Lord go before us making our path a little smoother.

And a brand new family to face it with.

Welcome to the family.

We are thankful for it.

But the fruit of the Spirit is…

Well.

This verse is challenging me right now.

Galatians 5:22-23

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

I have been a Christian since I was 18 years old.  Really living out my faith from the time I was 22.  I say that with a little hesitancy because I know that at many times I have really not been actively following hard after God.

Things go in cycles with me.  I grow in fits and spurts. Well, ok spiritually speaking.  Physically speaking I seem to be able to grow JUST fine.

Lately, I have been really challenged by the Lord.  This verse has been screaming to me.  Am I really producing this spiritual fruit?  I can say honestly, NO.  And I am so saddened by this.  And really disappointed.  And to be honest, mad at myself.

I am so humbled and thankful that the Lord has been gentle and loving with me.  He has been faithful to me even when my faith wavered.  Yes, my faith wavers.  He has loved me, regardless of my state.  He has been kind and merciful.  And while I may be running ahead of Him or lagging behind Him dragging my heels in defiance, He has been faithful.

That being said, He has also been reminding me daily of my need for Him.  He has been reminding me hourly of my need for Him.  And He has been reminding me that He loves me more than anything, and desires my heart.  Desires my time.  Desires my best.

I haven’t been giving my best.  Not to God.  And not to my family.  I have not been exhibiting those gifts of the Spirit that I know flow out of a close walk with the Lord.  I know that I have been depending on myself and not on Him.  I have been angry, and impatient.  I have been unkind and unloving.  I have been lacking in self control.  And I have not been gentle.

Gentleness is something that I love.  I crave to be that kind of woman and mom that is gentle and loving with her kids and her friends.

I am up for the challenge.  I am up to working on my gentleness.  With my speech, and with my actions.  With my sweet husband and my four children.  With my family.  With my parents.  With my friends.  It is only one of the fruits of the spirits listed, but I know I need to start with this one.

Anyone want to join me on this quest?  Not sure what it will look like.  But I am joining with some other women.

Now.

I don’t think this will change my snarkiness.

But.

It might take on a more gentle tone.

🙂

 

Hello There!

I think in my old age I forgot I had a blog.

Ok.  That is a lie.

I have been lazy.

That is the truth.

Kinda.

So again, without further ado, my life, in list form.

  • it is officially cold.  23.  That my friends is cold.
  • my grass is brown
  • has been since summer.
  • Maisy had piece by piece brought the carcass of an armadillo to my back porch.
  • the tail was cool.
  • when the body shell made it up there I cried.  And threw up a little in my mouth.
  • and cursed the day we got Maisy.
  • and then  banished her to the kitchen where I told the children to never touch her again.
  • and then she tried to lick me.
  • with her dead armadillo tongue.
  • I haven’t been the same since.
  • Lauren told a lady at Whole Foods that she was from Africa.
  • I laughed so hard I snorted.
  • And then blamed it on Lauren.
  • I am the BEST mom.
  • We have been living in the land of Annie for the past few months.
  • If I don’t hear the song Tomorrow for awhile that would make me happy.
  • wait.
  • I hear it.
  • Lauren is belting it from her room.
  • Ok.  Because the way she says “yumorrow” makes me smile.
  • she also sang all the songs from her seat in the audience.
  • and tried to do the dances.
  • She bopped the old guy’s chair in front of us with her overzealous “Never Fully Dressed”
  • I hid.
  • again, the BEST mom.
  • Katie Mei amazed me up on stage.
  • Girl can sing and dance!
  • And she has the BEST mad/crabby/I hate everything face.
  • Sammy was in the show too.
  • He had the best fed up with Hoover face I have EVER seen.
  • you couldn’t pay Jack enough money to do a show.
  • but you could pay him enough money to be a kicker in the NFL.
  • I have been doing a boot camp, outside for nearly 2 months.
  • Hello?
  • did you think you had gone to the wrong blog??
  • heh.
  • I have been eating healthy for 2 months.
  • I have lost 4 pounds.
  • Until I ate cookies.
  • then I gained them back.
  • but I feel healthy.
  • MCcallister’s unsweet tea with lemon is my favorite.
  • so is smiling
  • wait
  • that’s Buddy the Elf.
  • And while we are on that subject
  • Francisco is fun to say!
  • my w key on my keyboard is missing.
  • it was coming off and then pulled off by an unnamed child
  • it works still
  • Michael has a mustache and beard
  • I told him once that if he stopped shaving I would too
  • and then wave hello to him wildly whilst wearing a tank top.
  • and then I knew once he grew it that I could never NOT shave.
  • Ew.
  • Watching the Virgin Diaries made me mad
  • and sad at how they treated that couple
  • though the kiss made me cringe a little
  • Today is clean sheet day
  • I love clean sheet day
  • SERIOUSLY
  • some of my friends tell me I am weird for washing my sheets so often.
  • am I weird?
  • wait
  • don’t answer that.
  • we had our final post placement visit
  • cannot believe it has been a year
  • seems as though Lauren has always been a part of our family
  • I want to go to Disneyland
  • and go on Space Mountain
  • and eat a frozen banana
  • and a churro
  • one Christmas eve, my sisters and I drove all over Pasadena to find churros
  • we also ate at a restaurant called the Steak Corral.
  • You could sit on saddles and eat.
  • we also always slept in the same room on Christmas Eve
  • I miss my sisters
  • A LOT
  • I need to finish Christmas shopping
  • I don’t like hot drinks
  • What is wassiling?
  • fingerling potatoes freak me out
  • so do purple potatoes
  • I wish I hated bread.
  • I wish I hated butter.
  • Why do I have 25 socks with no match?
  • and where do those socks go?
  • really?
  • This keeps me up at night.
  • So do night sweats.
  • just sayin.
  • I don’t like chocolate.
  • Except when mixed with salt, or peanut butter
  • or ice cream
  • but not chocolate ice cream
  • and Hot Chocolate?
  • EW.
  • Don’t even get me started.
  • I need to go make my bed.
  • with my clean sheets.
  • Oh CRAP.
  • I just saw more armadillo.
  • goodbye.
  • if I don’t come back, assume I died.
  • from Armadillo germs.