A friend gently reminded me.

That I have a blog!

Hello.  My sweet 5 readers.  Maybe that is being generous.

I have missed blogging, but it hasn’t been at the forefront of my mind.

Given the 8 gazillion miles I have put on my car this year.  Or the mountain of laundry that never seems to get smaller.  The tears of frustration over multiplication tables. Me, not Katie.  The clarinet sounds drifting from Sam’s room.  The worry if Jack’s kicking foot will make it through the season.  How to get that STANK out of his cleats.  Serious things people.

I also needed some time.  I guess having a child with cancer kinds puts your life into a tizzy.  And kinda also takes you to places that are pretty deep.  And sometimes a little dark.  I am learning to say that it is ok.  That I am allowed to get to those dark places, so that I will be sweetly carried through them.  I have been learning a WHOLE lot about patience.  An enormous amount about faith and a gigantic lesson about grace. While it doesn’t look pretty, or hasn’t been easy, it has been exactly where I need to be.

Sometimes I cannot fathom that 8 months ago our world was changed by a phone call.  And I can’t believe it has been 8 months since diagnosis. Kinda like the BC/AD thing- we now go by the BC/AC timeline.  My view of the world is different.  My view of life is different.  Strange that a 2 month journey literally changed me at the core of my being.

My faith is deeper.  More intimate really.  I never once questioned why.  Or doubted God.  Or doubted that He even existed.  To the other extreme, everything we went through proved to be time and time again that He is alive and real. The only thing I had wished is that I could have gotten the diagnosis and not my sweet Katie.

In a funk would be a good way to describe how I have been feeling.  Afraid, really, to trust the remission diagnosis.  There is my pessimistic being coming out. I am thankful to know that this “funk” is around only for a short time.  A short season of funkiness.  Dude.  That is such an AWESOME title of a song.

So, friends.  Walk with me out of the dark.  I know I can lift my eyes to the light.  I know that the light is brighter then it was yesterday.


4 thoughts on “A friend gently reminded me.

  1. Hey, Friend,
    It’s good to hear from you again, and know that you’re all hangin’ in there. We have other friends who just rec’d their “remission” last week. They are throwing a party next Saturday to celebrate. Hugs to you!

  2. I love your blogs : ) I love that Katie Mei’s cancer has shown God’s grace and power to so many. I know it’s a mama thing to wish it was you and not her. But trust that God had a reason. That this experience has and will continue to draw Katie even closer to Him and give her a powerful testimony of grace, trust, hope, and love. That little girl has already touched so many hearts. Imagine 30 years from now what that looks like.

  3. I thought I’d post right on your blog to remind you that there are more than 5 of us. 🙂

    I love your honesty and admire your bravery. Everytime I see you post that you are going back to the hospital for blood counts I think, “how long will this take — I want it to be over.” I’m glad you are able to voice your thoughts out loud. I imagine that many people think it is all over. And you still feel like there is a long mountain to climb. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for reminding us that you are still in the forest. You deserve to be in a funk but I hope you feel a little better every day.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s