My Bestie is running a 5K tomorrow! And is not feeling well tonight! Courtney Bortney I love you and am rooting for you tomorrow!!! Love ya girlie.
Ever since I was little, I have had an issue with my weight. Yes. Since I was little. It has ALWAYS been a struggle for me. And though I detest that part of me, it still is. I am totally unsure of the fact that there will be a day when I feel happy and satisfied with my weight.
I was chubby as a little girl. I had to shop in the husky section at Sears. I had these jeans with a tie up roller skate on the back pocket And cords, with a mountain scene across my butt. Now, tell me. When you have to shop in the Husky section, is your best choice pants with a mountain scene across your tush? I think perhaps not.
There have been years that I have felt good. I have been fit. I have actually fit into jeans that didn't have an H on the back. Or a mountain scene. But those years are few and far between.
I have tried to figure out what my hang up is still about weight. Growing up, we (my sisters and I) were often chastised about our weight. Offered money to lose weight. Treats were hidden. Perhaps it was done in love, and in hopes that we would learn to eat properly. Or perhaps it was done to have us fit into a certain image that was desired. I think the latter may be the case.
Today, I am struggling. Again. With my weight. I think I go through cycles. And it is one of those low cycle days. Weeks. Months. Year. Sheesh.
I am so blessed to have a sweet husband who thinks I am insane- and thinks I am beautiful and wonderful and sexy the way that I am. ANY way that I am. He always tells me so. I love him for it. But it is from my heart that things need to change.
I need to change the dialog inside my head. I need to be able to quiet that voice that tells me that I am fat. That I am never going to lose weight, or look good. But that is easier said then done.
My worth is not found in my looks. My weight doesn't define who I am.
Then why do I put so much emphasis on it?
I have been taking daily walks with Maisy since we brought her home. It started with just short walks up the street. And she does well on the leash. So as she has gotten older, I go farther. I found this 1 1/2 to 2 mile walk through our neighborhood and into the surrounding roads and around a lake. Quiet. Beautiful. Peaceful. She and I have been going once a day, in the mornings. Today, was such a glorious day, we took the walk twice.
When we get to the path by the lake, I let her off the leash- and she is awesome. She loves to chase geese, drink from the lake and chase blowing leaves. She also loves sticks. She runs ahead, but always looks back at me, and waits till my slow bones catch up to her quick puppy run. Perhaps I will be able to run with her in a week or so.
I love the quiet on my walks. I always needed noise when I walked in LA. Always wore my ipod or wanted someone to chat with. Not to mention the cars made tons of noise. Out here, I am finding that I am SO enjoying the quiet of nature. The sounds of the geese. The herons. The cardinals. They are really beautiful. I don't walk early enough to see deer. But once it gets a little warmer in the early mornings, perhaps I will.
So, here are a couple of photos of Maisy on our morning walk.
These were in the hay meadow on the way home….