My name is Jenny. And I have not had a diet cokes in over 48 hours. Nary a one. Honestly, I have a really hard time believing that I really am doing this. Considering it has been 25 years of drinking it.
It is funny. I have really been going through a lot of heart searching through this. I never really considered my drinking Diet Coke to be a problem- or an addiction so to speak. Yet, I couldn't go through a day without it. I really had a hard time functioning in the morning with out one. And then another. And another. I think Michael and I estimate that I was drinking at least 64 oz. of diet soda a day.
I would look for opportunities to get one. I would search out the best places to get the best diet coke. I would make my family go to restaurants that served diet coke and would get crabby if all they had was pepsi. I yearned for it, my body yelled for it. I was really serving diet coke.
At church, we have been going through a series on Idols. And what is an Idol? What becomes a god for us in our lives. Challenging thoughts for sure. I have had many times where money has become an idol for me. I know that one well. I have come around a lot on that though, and really felt my heart questioning God if there were any idols in my life at this point.
Proudly I was thinking…. "nope. I think I am alright at this moment" But then, I started feeling not so great. I felt sluggish and large and my stomach hurt a lot. And I couldn't shake this weight that I have gained regardless of how hard I try….and I decided to go see my doc for a full physical and advice on weight loss. That morning (which was Thursday), Michael hugged and kissed me before he left for work and looked at me and said- "will you do me a favor? will you ask the doctor about diet coke?" I sighed and looked at him. He smiled gently at me "I have never said anything to you about this – but I am worried. I am really concerned that this is not good." I didn't put my normal wall up and take that as an attack on me. I heard him. With my heart. "Ok. I will ask" and i meant it.
So, onto the doctor. And the nurse drew my blood. And then started talking about why I was there. And then she said to me "you really need to consider cutting down on caffeine." And then she gave me a CD that my doc made about healthy eating and his ideas about dieting. And he too mentioned caffeine and sweeteners. And that it may be hindering my weight loss as well as affecting my body in not great ways.
And really, I felt convicted. I knew that God was speaking to my heart. And I knew it was time to make a change in this area. So with a prayer, I started down this road.
Since then, and I know it has only been a few days, I really realize that this is not only about my physical body. It is also about my heart. The light has been shed on the fact that I have been making diet coke an idol of sorts in my heart. And I am so so ashamed. I am in awe of the fact that something so small as soda could have become a forefront thought in my mind. And I am even more in awe of the sweetness of God to help me with the process of detoxing off the diet coke. I am in constant prayer that I will honor God through this process- and that this will not only allow my body to be the temple that God desires it to be, but my heart will no longer be holding onto something non eternal.
I know. I know it seems like a stretch. But really, it has been on my heart- and I am thankful that I have friends and family who love and support me. Silly as it may seem, right? I mean, a diet coke? A can of soda. But it represents more. And I am in need of an entire heart detox. I am thankful for a God big enough to see me through the little things.
Day 3, friends. : ) Didja ever think?