There are moments that bring you to a place of brokenness. Sometimes those moments seem to come in bunches. I am in one of those moments.
Right now, my heart is hurting. I did something that I knew I had to do, but I knew that the outcome would be a negative one. I could not stay silent about something, and while I reached out in love, I knew that the relationship would be forever changed. And my heart aches. Not only for the loss of a sweet friend, but also for the heartache that friend is going through. It grieves me.
I sometimes wish that I was able to just ignore my heart and convictions. I want to wish things away. I could easily have a tendency to close my eyes and ignore. I used to be a HUGE liar. Closing my eyes to things or ignoring things is an easy place for me to return to. I used to hide. I used to act on other peoples feelings and thoughts then my own. I was really good at it.
As I have gotten older, and grown in my faith, I have come to realize that there are times I cannot stay silent. This was one of those moments. It is one of the hardest things I have done. I am not good at having people angry and hate me. It really grieves me to know that my words caused pain. Though I did not intend to hurt, I know I did. I also know that I did what I needed to do. I know that with all my heart. That doesn't make it any easier.
I really pray that someday, our friendship can be restored. I don't know if it can. But, for now, all I can do is pray. And keep loving my friend.
One of the things about being a Christian, is that God calls me to step out in faith. And when we do, many times we will be hated and despised. There are times when doing the right thing feels like the wrong thing. And perhaps, not until years later will we ever see the reason why.