Broken

There are moments that bring you to a place of brokenness. Sometimes those moments seem to come in bunches.  I am in one of those moments. 

Right now, my heart is hurting.  I did something that I knew I had to do, but I knew that the outcome would be a negative one.  I could not stay silent about something, and while I reached out in love, I knew that the relationship would be forever changed.  And my heart aches.  Not only for the loss of a sweet friend, but also for the heartache that friend is going through. It grieves me. 

I sometimes wish that I was able to just ignore my heart and convictions. I want to wish things away.  I could easily have a tendency to close my eyes and ignore.  I used to be a HUGE liar.  Closing my eyes to things or ignoring things is an easy place for me to return to.  I used to hide.  I used to act on other peoples feelings and thoughts then my own.  I was really good at it.

As I have gotten older, and grown in my faith, I have come to realize that there are times I cannot stay silent.  This was one of those moments.  It is one of the hardest things I have done.  I am not good at having people angry and hate me.  It really grieves me to know that my words caused pain.  Though I did not intend to hurt, I know I did.  I also know that I did what I needed to do.  I know that with all my heart.  That doesn't make it any easier.

I really pray that someday, our friendship can be restored.  I don't know if it can. But, for now, all I can do is pray.  And keep loving my friend.

One of the things about being a Christian, is that God calls me to step out in faith. And when we do, many times we will be hated and despised.  There are times when doing the right thing feels like the wrong thing.  And perhaps, not until years later will we ever see the reason why. 

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7 thoughts on “Broken

  1. Jenny,
    I know how you agonized over whether or not to write to your friend. Having read your letter (and knowing your heart), I know there was no anger or reproach in it – just a sincere concern for your friend’s well-being. I can only hope that the heat evident in your friend’s response will cool with time, to be replaced with a realization that you were taking a risk motivated by genuine love.
    This passage has been on my mind during the whole exchange, and I share it because it is so relevant:
    “If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name….So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.” 1st Peter 4:14-19
    I’m humbled at your courage and tender heart. I pray that out of all this, there will be an exceedingly happy outcome for your friend, and that your relationship will be renewed.
    Love, Michael

  2. Hi you,
    I just spoke with you on the phone about this, so I wanted to repsond while it was still fresh in my mind. You are a good friend; a miraculous, unusal, remarkably caring friend to whom many of us turn for all sorts of things. It’s sad that your friend is hurting, and I’m sorry you’re hurting in return, and the whole situation sounds stinky and sad. Perhaps that when your friend’s mourning comes to a resting spot, she’ll understand that your words were meant to help.
    If there is one thing I think of when I think of you, Jen, it’s your pure and unfettered spirit of generosity, which is not attached or beholding to anyone or anything, and is not tied down to any expectation, but instead an inherent part of you, as inextricably connected to you as your DNA.
    Rest easy. I hope your friend does, too.

  3. Grieving with you, my friend. I don’t know the situation, but I think I know you well enough to know that you are not a mean person but a genuine caring person. Consider yourself hugged.
    Teresa

  4. Jenny,
    While we have never met, I know you to be a wonderful, caring, and loving friend. I’m sorry you are having pain and enduring all of this right now, I know your pain. I don’t know your situation, but I can relate with what you have done, as I’ve recently had to come out of my silence to share what I knew had to be said to a long time friend. Forgive yourself and know that time will heal. God Bless you my friend.

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