Hello??  IS anyone reading??

We just had a huge milestone in our family.  April 19th was the one year anniversary of Katie Mei’s cancer free diagnosis.  Still reeling over this past year, and the journey we have been on.

A few months ago I was so honored to be asked to speak at our old church in California’s Women’s Tea.  I got to see dear friends and I shared a little of our story.  Just wanted to share it.  I will post another musings post soon.  For I have been musing.  A lot.

If you had asked me a year ago to come and share a little of my life with you, my story would have been entirely different.  My journey over the past year has completely changed the roadmap of our lives.  

Let me tell you a little about my family.  I have an amazingly wonderful husband of 17 years, Michael- and 4 kids (heaven help me) Jack, Sam, Katie Mei and Lauren.  Jack and Sam are homegrown- and we adopted both Katie Mei and Lauren from China. I love my kids.  They drive me insane, they drive Michael insane,  they make me laugh harder then I ever believed I could- and they draw me closer to the Lord every day.  There are days when I am so close to the Lord I am BEGGING him to please come back NOW so I don’t have to do another load of laundry.

Yeah.

We are close.

When Sam was about 2 Michael and I started talking about weather we were wanting another child.  Before we had been married we talked about kids, how many etc….and what we might do if we couldn’t conceive on our own.  Both of our hearts were pulled towards adoption.  So when we started praying about having a third child we really felt God calling us to adopt.  Excited and scared, we started *I STARTED* the research and paperwork.  

All roads that we walked on lead to one place, China.  Paperwork, tears, what ifs and even weight gain were all parts of my paper pregnancy.  Waiting for our referral (photos and information of our child) was like the agonizing last days of pregnancy.  Complete with phone calls from well meaning friends of when.

When that call came, time stood still.  The next day, the Fed Ex man delivered our baby.  I told him so.  He looked at me like I was insane as I stood there tearing up.  I didn’t care- all I knew is that I got to see that face.  We all sat in our car and opened the package together. And we saw our sweet Katie Mei for the first time.  

She was so sweet- the most beautiful little girl…. we couldn’t wait to go get her.

Fast forward a few months, and we were on a bus headed to a non descript office building in Changsha, China.  As we stepped into a room bustling with crying babies and parents, I saw her.  She was sitting on the lap of an older gentleman in a yellow teletubbies outfit and sucking her thumb.  Our girl.

A few legalities, a few questions and then she was in my arms.  

In that moment, something I had NEVER anticipated happened. In that monment, my entire relationship with the Lord changed.

I held onto my sweet girl, whom I had prayed for, whom I had longed for, whom I had loved before I knew her, and I GOT it.  I was struck with the knowledge of how much God loved me. How he knew me before I even knew he existed.  I understood for the first time that He loved me so much He would lay His life down for me.  He adored me and wanted a relationship with me.  I held that little baby, a new addition to our family, and I got an even bigger gift then I ever expected.  A deeper love, a closer walk with my Savior.

This journey into the world of adoption changed our lives forever.  

So much so that when we had sold all our baby things, all the old toys all the clothes, the Lord knocked on our hearts again- and the exclamation point to our family sentence entered the scene.  We all traveled back to China, this time to ZhengZhou to adopt our ball of sunshine, amazingly gifted, strong, goofball Lauren Grace.  

Lauren was 4 when we adopted her 2 years ago.  To say that she astonished us with her strength and bravery when we adopted her would be a huge understatement.  She floored us.  And continues to.  She is a gift that we may have missed had we not heard that still small voice in our hearts urging us to go.  

We had been home from China for almost a year- still adjusting to the addition of a little girl- figuring out life as a family of 6.  Katie Mei and Sammy were knee deep in the last performances of Annie, and the crud hit our house.  Strep Throat stinks.  Lots of popcicles, advil and movies later, and the kids were better.

Then Katie comes back telling me her throat hurts.  Round 2 for her.  Better for a week, and then again.  Fever of 103, her glands swollen- strep again.  Then Christmas- she was feeling better and we had a great holiday.  Her glands were still pretty swollen- but thankfully no fever.  

On New Years Eve- she spiked a huge fever- and couldn’t even swallow her own saliva.  We had pain medication, but she started halucinating.  Yeah that was fun….

We got her past the fever- but Michael and I were concerned- 4 rounds of strep- and her lymph nodes had swollen so almost baseball size.  Huge.  So we went to an ENT and a date was set for her to get her tonsils and adenoids out- and while she was under they were going to take a sample of the lymph node- doctors both thought it was all just a part of the tonsils- not to worry.

She healed well from that surgery.  And we waited.  To be honest, waiting is not my strong suit.  

I finally got a call on Friday- but still no answer.  Our ENT said “Well, the easy answers have all been ruled out.”

Um, Ok.  What are the hard answers.

“I need to tell you, I am concerned”  He told me.  Then he said he would be praying for her and for us all weekend and would call me as soon as he had any news.

Ok.  When a doctor tells you he is concerned, then I panic.

And when I panic, I eat bread.  And chips, and crackers.

And I also research.  Lame, I know but I do.  Well- just let me caution you- do NOT google when a doctor says he is concerned.

Trust me.

We prayed a lot that weekend.  Michael and I sought the Lord that weekend, and asked our family and friends to pray.

Monday came and the phone finally rang. 

After checking on his patient, the came out with the news, our sweet girl has Hodgkins Lymphoma.

Cancer. 

Our 8 year old gift straight from God has cancer.

There were no answers up front.  

I am not really sure what happened next.

I know I called Michael and I know I was crying.

I know my friend Joy called to say she was coming over to watch the girls while Michael and I talked.

And I know that I asked the Lord over and over again to give the cancer to me.

A whirlwind of activities started.  We got to know words like staging, chemo port, pet scan, bone marrow testing and the science of blood counts.

I felt almost dizzy.  There was so much.  So much to ingest and digest.  So many questions from Katie and from our other kids.

One thing I was so cognizant of was that I was not in charge.

I was not in control.  

I could not change this.

I could not heal my daughter.

But one thing I know for sure, I know who can.

I also knew that our view of life is limited.

Imagine being in a boat drifting down a beautiful river in the middle of this amazing canyon.  You can see down the river aways, but you can’t see around that corner. Or beyond that rock.  There may be rapids that can shake you clear out of your boat, or there may be a waterfall.  Your view is limited.  But imagine flying above that river, seeing the river in it’s entirety.  You see where it begins as a small creek and where it blends with the endless ocean.  You can see every turn, ever rapid, every whirlpool.  You know what to expect and how to plan for every situation.

Friends, that is such a comfort.  To know that as limited as our sight is regarding our future, our lives in the coming days, we have a God who sees our lives from beginning to end.  He knows the twists and turns that are ahead.  He sees the rapids that may tumble us.  

I became acutely aware of my needing to trust Him completely with my daughter.  His view was perfect.  He knew what lay ahead.  He knows her better then I do.  

And so I fell head first into this rapid.  Pointing my feet downstream and holding onto my life jacket, my relationship with the Lord ready for this ride.

Leading up to her diagnosis, we look now and see how the Lord had provided. 

6 months prior to Katie being sick, our dear friends got news that the husband had a brain tumor.  One that would be fatal.  One that may mean a very difficult death, and life.

We knew about cancer.  And the kids were able to watch us walk through the first few months with Colby and Emily.  And knew about cancer and chemo.  Colby is a miracle himself- long story short, this tumor has stopped growing and they just returned from Taiwan with their newly adopted son.  Only God.

Katie had been placed in the PERFECT class, the perfect teacher, the most amazingly wonderful school.  It amazed us daily.

We also had been given precious friends out in OK- who rushed over the night we got the diagnosis to pray over us and hug us.  And bring us food.

Dude.  The food.  Let me say- people LOVE to bring food.  ANd I love to eat food.  Hence my 20 pound weight gain.  Yeah.  Food is good.

Our hearts overflowed as the news of Katie’s illness scattered to all parts of the world.  And people began to pray. On the morning of her pet scan, my cell phone rang with a number I didn;t know- usually I wouldn’t answer, but I really heart a voice telling me to.  I did.  A sweet woman introduced herself a friend of a classmate, whose daughter had just celebrated one year cancer free from Hodgkins Lymphoma.  She was treated at the same hospital, she is a sophomore at a local high school and she is now Katie Mei’s big sister Caroline.  Her mom prayed over the phone with me and told me what to expect.  And continued to walk with me, often holding me up through our journey through cancer.

She imediatley was staged at 2, (no cancer past her upper chest), chemo port was inserted, and 2 rounds of chemo began.

Katie Mei.  A girl, if you know her who has a spirit of grace, wisdom beyond her years, compassionate, passionate and entirely full of joy.  She faced cancer head on.  Scared, but ready to get it out of her body.  To say she is the bravest girl I know would be an understatement.

The most difficult thing for me as a mom was watching her suffer.  Watching her lose her beautiful hair, hearing her sadness at not being at school. My heart broke for her as she couldn’t even sit up for too long because she was so tired.  Her head hurting.  Her throwing up.  

As I held her and put cold cloths on her head, I prayed over her.  I cried with Michael and tried to keep life normal for our other 3. We often sang together in the car on the way to and from treatment.  She has an amazing voice.  There were 3 songs she always asked for.  Healer, Waiting here for you, and Forever Reign.  Those words became our prayers daily.  I believe your my healer.  I believe you are all I need. Waiting here for you, with my hands lifted high in praise.  You are life you are life in you death has lost its sting….. Those songs were moments with Jesus.  Balm.

I shaved her head when the hair falling out became too annoying.  We laughed for over an hour about that. She was bubbling with joy over finally seeing her bald head.

I never doubted.  I never asked why.  I knew that the Lord had allowed us to come into this valley for a purpose.  Though we couldn’t see it now.  Still tossing in that boat.

After 2 rounds of chemo, Katie had a scan.  A new family in our small group (who happened to come the Sunday before her scan told us that he was a radiology resident at OU Childrens.  And he would actually be the one reading her scan.  Really?  So we called Dan once we got to the hospital and he told us he would call us.

He called and I could tell he was crying.  At first I got so scared.  But then he said “I NEVER get to call with good news, and I have to let Dr. P officially look- but Jenny, it looks awesome.”

April 19th.  2 months and 6 days from the diagnosis, our girl was in Remission.

Friends, we later found out that this is rare.  

And we rejoiced.  Knowing indeed the prayers of a little girl, and thousands of people were answered.  

The kids at school (the entire school) heard over the intercom about katie being cancer free that afternoon.  She cried.  She told everyone she could that God had healed her.

As strange as it sounds, I am so thankful for cancer.

I know, right?

How could I say that?  I am not glad that my daughter had cancer.  That makes me weepy.  But, I can say with all my heart, I am thankful for cancer.

Our lives have been forever changed.

And our family is different.

Closer.

More intent.

More apt to hugging.

Laughing more then correcting.

Forgiving more than holding a grudge.

Realizing that life changes daily.

Realizing that we can do nothing to stop it.

Thankful that we don’t carry our burdens alone.

Thankful that we are not in control.

Amazed at how fast this life is flying by.

Yes.

Our family is different.

And oddly,

we have cancer to thank.

We are on a journey, aren’t we.  One thing that is common to all of our journeys is that they all have a beginning, middle and an end.  Our journey through cancer may be done…..but it will always, always remain one of the biggest waterfalls we have ever gone down.

Knowing that the Lord holds the beginning, middle and end to our lives made us able to jump in the boat with both feet, hold on tightly through the rapids and even raise our arms wildly screaming down the waterfall.  Knowing, trusting that we would again land, safely on the river, with the Lord holding us, loving us and guiding us as we head toward that ocean.

Thank you so much for listening.  God bless each of you on your journeys.

• they make a sticker for cars that says 0.0  I Don’t Run.
• I cried a little when I found that out.
• truer words never written on a bumper sticker
• well
• unless it is “my honor student beat up your kid”
• or an “I heart my dog’s head” one.
• I have tried to like running
• I don’t
• I think it may stem from PE in 6th grade and we had to run the mile
• and I cried
• in front of the PE teacher.
• and she said to take another lap.
• and then I cried more.
• the end.
• My house smells like cinnamon and vanilla.
• I am not baking.
• I am fake baking.
• to make my house smell like I am baking.
• sheesh.
• issues?
• Maisy has been in attack the squirrels mode.
• and the squirrels don’t give a rip.
• they stand their ground and stare at her.
• and she stares at them.
• and they stare at her.
• and I call “Maisy, Maisy come in sweetie”
• and she ignores me
• and then I buzz her and she comes in.
• she then stares out the window at the squirrels
• who are smoking cigarettes, drinking hi balls and laughing heartily in her direction
• Oklahoma squirrels are partay animals
• no joke
• we found 2 scorpions in our house
• now that is fun
• they are mowing the hay meadow
• there was a copperhead across the street
• WHERE DO I LIVE
• I have an obsession with Diet Cranberry Sierra Mist
• they run out of it quickly
• everywhere
• and it makes me crabby
• I don’t like knick knacks
• they make me crabby
• wow
• a lot of things make me crabby
• Not I love Lucy
• that makes me happy
• especially the episode “Ethel’s Home Town”
• go watch it now
• you are welcome
• I can’t wait for Thanksgiving
• I can’t wait for stuffing.
• CRAP
• I am not eating wheat or sugar.
• maybe I will just make the veggies from the stuffing.
• yeah.
• that will be the same.
• NOT
• We are considering traveling far for Summer vacation
• an absolute dream of mine
• praying that airfare is low
• I hate all the scary commercials on right now
• so do my girls
• speaking of my girls
• Katie celebrated her birthday at school today
• yep
• her birthday is July 8th.
• I don’t get it.
• but I took cookies
• and didn’t go to take photos.
• am I a bad mom??
• I mean really
• her birthday is in July.
• sheesh.  Mom guilt
• Michael and I went to see Hall and Oates
• they were awesome
• still looked good too
• I was worried they would look old
• and come out smokin
• and with walkers
• but they rocked
• it was in a casino
• my hair smelled like smoke for days
• and I had a hankerin to sit on a stool and push a button
• I should be doing my laundry
• I should be working out
• I haven’t worked out much
• I know, I know
• I don’t like jello
• or pudding much.
• swiss cheese makes Michael’s mouth itch
• should I cut my hair shorter?
• or get bangs?
• why are they called bangs?
• where is all the fall scented soaps?
• can I make cookie dough without flour or sugar
• I get to go to NYC
• I am speaking at my old church’s Tea in Dec.
• you, who read my blog should be laughing.
• I am snarky.  And scattered.
• this should be fun!
• and now
• I am off to go running.
• to the fridge to get some more cranberry splash.
• I don’t think that will do damage to my sticker.
• 0.0 for life.
• Goodbye.
• forever.
• (or until they run out of soda)

Hello.  My sweet 5 readers.  Maybe that is being generous.

I have missed blogging, but it hasn’t been at the forefront of my mind.

Given the 8 gazillion miles I have put on my car this year.  Or the mountain of laundry that never seems to get smaller.  The tears of frustration over multiplication tables. Me, not Katie.  The clarinet sounds drifting from Sam’s room.  The worry if Jack’s kicking foot will make it through the season.  How to get that STANK out of his cleats.  Serious things people.

I also needed some time.  I guess having a child with cancer kinds puts your life into a tizzy.  And kinda also takes you to places that are pretty deep.  And sometimes a little dark.  I am learning to say that it is ok.  That I am allowed to get to those dark places, so that I will be sweetly carried through them.  I have been learning a WHOLE lot about patience.  An enormous amount about faith and a gigantic lesson about grace. While it doesn’t look pretty, or hasn’t been easy, it has been exactly where I need to be.

Sometimes I cannot fathom that 8 months ago our world was changed by a phone call.  And I can’t believe it has been 8 months since diagnosis. Kinda like the BC/AD thing- we now go by the BC/AC timeline.  My view of the world is different.  My view of life is different.  Strange that a 2 month journey literally changed me at the core of my being.

My faith is deeper.  More intimate really.  I never once questioned why.  Or doubted God.  Or doubted that He even existed.  To the other extreme, everything we went through proved to be time and time again that He is alive and real. The only thing I had wished is that I could have gotten the diagnosis and not my sweet Katie.

In a funk would be a good way to describe how I have been feeling.  Afraid, really, to trust the remission diagnosis.  There is my pessimistic being coming out. I am thankful to know that this “funk” is around only for a short time.  A short season of funkiness.  Dude.  That is such an AWESOME title of a song.

So, friends.  Walk with me out of the dark.  I know I can lift my eyes to the light.  I know that the light is brighter then it was yesterday.

To say that this summer was crazy might be an understatement.  I can’t write paragraphs about it- but I can give you my thoughts.  Random.  Quirky.  Odd.  Just like me.

• It was hot.
• Like fry and egg on the sidewalk hot.
• Like sit inside with 4 kids and pray for rain hot.
• Like too hot to even go to the pool.
• did I mention is it was hot?
• BOTH my sisters and husbands and my niece came to visit this summer.
• oh how I wish we lived closer.
• I hate fake eyelashes.
• I also am not fond of purple eye shadow.
• I am SO white.
• I had to dance
• in Hairspray
• sorry to all who witnessed the atrocity of my dancing.
• really.
• of all my three characters, I loved playing Prudy best
• though she is a little racist in the beginning
• she comes around
• and molests Seaweed.
• that was fun
• my gym teacher character was creepy
• creepy mccreeperson
• I love her
• him
• it
• well
• it was hard to know
• It’s Pat on SNL
• my least favorite character was the Prison Matron
• because I had to scat
• remember I am white
• ok
• Lauren has a boyfriend
• His name is Dalton
• sad fact, he live in NYC
• she is devastated
• Sam rocked his role in Anya: The Journey
• I love watching him on stage.
• he captures my eyes and I love to watch his story onstage
• He also makes me laugh
• a lot
• Katie Mei sang in Hebrew
• and made me cry every night
• Jack just started High School.
• Really?
• I mean.
• I am NOT old enough to have a high schooler right?
• agree with me folks.
• and he is playing football
• oh my heart can’t take much more
• Sam is starting to play the clarinet
• truly my heart can’t take more
• I love bread
• that is a constant
• Maisy has a hate hate relationship with the squirrels in our yard
• I hate cheese whiz
• and spray cheese
• how about cheez spelled with a z
• Kanakuk family kamp was awesome
• a little girl made fun of Lauren
• and told her she would NEVER tie her shoes
• because she only has 3 fingers
• Lauren cried for an hour
• and then spent the rest of the afternoon learning to tie her shoes.
• DON’T tell this girl she can’t do something.
• Heaven help me
• I had to scream a lot in Hairspray
• I had to say some strange things.
• and chase girls.
• I was TOTALLY typecast.
• Michaels job is crazy.
• I would love a date night.
• Or a little get away.
• To Hawaii.
• I have so much laundry
• I promise you a quarter of the laundry I do is clean.
• and just thrown back in the hamper
• because someone doesn’t put them away.
• and they are still folded
• under wet towels.
• dude.
• you know how there is a tooth fairy?
• I think she needs to retire
• and be replaced by a laundry fairy
• I love oatmeal cookies
• and pumpkin cookies with frosting
• thanks Leah
• I hate coffee
• I wish I liked it
• it is so cool to say “lets meet for coffee”
• it is not so cool to say “lets meet for water”
• Poodles creep me out
• with all their puffy poofs
• wow
• is that descriptive or what
• I don’t like dogs that get crappy crap around their eyes
• sorry about the crap
• I don’t like juice
• or smoothies
• I killed a scorpion on the porch yesterday
• that sucker was tough
• bugs make me uncomfortable.
• so do long toenails
• and dirt under fingernails
• and jeans that smell bad
• and the smell of Gain laundry detergent
• now I have to go do laundry.
• again.
• well
• until next time

Oh how she loves her boy.

• It is summer.
• You’re welcome.
• I know you might not have figured it out yet.
• considering the blazing hot temperatures
• kids at home.
• the arguing.
• the crying
• the wailing
• wait
• that is me each time I put on my swimsuit
• I love the smell of sunscreen
• old school sunscreen
• none of this unscented, good for your skin, non oily stuff
• the girl getting her bathing suit pulled off by a dog stuff
• and sea and ski
• remember that?
• how about seabreeze?
• used that after noxema.
• is that how you spell it?
• and don’t even get me started on the smell of noxema.
• heaven.
• smell is a BIG thing for me.
• I am knee deep in Hairspray rehearsals.
• we open on July 13th.
• So far I have only cried at rehearsal once.
• well twice.
• and why do you say knee deep when really it is like up to your neck
• I play 3 different roles.
• one of them, is It’s Pat.
• SNL?
• You tube it.
• help me.
• we have a momma bird with her nest on our porch
• she had 3 babies
• she killed 2 of them
• the end.
• the hay meadow needs to be tended to.
• I reckon.
• sorry.
• I gave up sugar and bread.
• I gave up my good mood
• and kindness
• good night nurse
• we had fun at Family Kamp
• yes spelled with a K
• I ate a lot of Monster Cookies
• hence the no sugar no bread
• yeah.
• we said goodbye to our sweet Fenway.
• He was 15.
• and it was expected.
• I miss him.
• and then there is Maisy.
• who had about an hourlong stare-down with a squirrel.
• she won.
• Katie’s hair is growing in
• she is so beautiful
• and her last blood counts were……
• NORMAL
• so excited
• and now I know how to read blood counts
• Yes, yes it is true
• I can totally play a doctor on TV
• I love MASH
• It’s nice to be nice to the nice.
• anyone??
• my birthday is soon.
• I want cake.
• no bread no sugar
• crappity crap crap
• happy birthday to me
• NOT
• I miss my sisters.
• I get to see both of them soon
• I cannot wait
• swimming at night with my husband and kids is dreamy
• the moon rising over the hay meadow is romantic
• maisy just ate a cricket.
• goodbye.
• ew.
• legs still moving.
• the end.

In remission.

Well, Katie officially is in remission.

She was diagnosed on February 13th. Now not even 3 months later, she is in remission.

What just happened?

I mean really!  It seems almost like it was a dream.

Only she has lost all her hair.  And has scars on her body.  And gets tired still very easily.

And our family is different.

Closer.

More intent.

More apt to hugging.

Laughing more then correcting.

Forgiving more than holding a grudge.

Realizing that life changes daily.

Realizing that we can do nothing to stop it.

Thankful that we don’t carry our burdens alone.

Thankful that we are not in control.

Amazed at how fast this life is flying by.

Yes.

Our family is different.

And oddly,

we have cancer to thank.

I know.

Hold on to your pants.

• my house looks like it threw up.
• my laundry has not folded itself
• I told it to.
• Stupid laundry.
• I wish I could share with you that I have lost all my stress weight.
• But I haven’t.
• So I can’t.
• Pass the crackers.
• I have a slight obsession with my daughters bald head.
• I have a slight obsession with touching and rubbing said head.
• “slight” is subjective.
• all our kids will be at the same school next year
• all our kids are SO excited.
• me too.
• why are june bugs crawling all over?
• do they not consult the calendar?
• they don’t consult me
• I am scared.
• of the summer.
• and the pool.
• and bathing suits.
• and cellulite
• I love being outside
• I detest the smell of outside once inside
• wow
• that made very little sense
• what else is new
• I miss my sisters
• my bestie and her sweet girl are coming TODAY
• I am so freaking excited
• SNL Surprise??
• Anyone??
• My lips are dry, my knuckles are locked
• Two babies at the SAME TIME?
• It is on HULU
• You are welcome
• more dead armadillos
• thankfully not in the hay meadow
• just on the road
• turtles will be next
• I hate turtles
• they scare me
• especially big ones
• all dry and wrinkly
• I love lotion
• Katie has learned many things through her cancer trip
• the main one
• she NEVER wants to be a nurse or doctor
• but she loves hers
• things I have learned
• always carry an emesis bag
• look at that word
• it is fancy
• and never ever wear non-waterproof mascara
• if you could wouldn’t you want clean sheet day everyday?
• haven’t been sleeping well
• there is no good TV on at night
• ever listened to Coast to Coast AM?
• wow
• please do
• at your earliest convenience
• I have learned much about aliens
• and doomsday preparation
• and people in Arkansas.
• I love the news here in OK.
• I do.
• the weather guy wears a sparkly bedazzled tie when there is bad weather
• in LA the weather guy talks about Britney Spears.
• I have learned to LOVE thunderstorms
• our back yard floods
• Michael gets out a sump pump
• that is fun to say
• like francisco
• I cannot not wear make up anymore
• I feel old
• let’s get real
• I look old.
• I want to go on a vacation.
• I would love to go to Hawaii.
• but.
• That means bathing suits.
• remember the crackers?
• and the cellulite?
• never mind.
• I love cake batter.
• and cookie dough.
• maybe I am starting to see a reason for my fears
• of summer.
• RING PHONE
• this waiting for test results is killing me.
• so now
• I will go
• smash june bugs
• fold sheets
• and pray that whatever Maisy has in her mouth right now
• isn’t an armadillo
• um
• ew
• EW
• a turtle.
• Goodbye
• forever.
• or until tomorrow.

We met this little bundle.

She had already won our hearts.

Her joy was infectious.

Her smile lit up every room.

She opened a place in my heart that I never knew existed.

She brought us a deeper knowledge of the love of our Father.

Our lives have been forever changed.

Our joy is bigger.

Our goofiness is goofier.

7 years with you

Have been amazing

Sweet Katherine Mei Jingying Markmiller

You amaze us with your courage.

You inspire us.

Happy Gotcha Day sugar plum.

We love you.  Forever and always.

• I cannot keep up with the dog hair on my floors.
• my older dog makes me sad.
• he is not in pain but has a really hard time walking
• and I have to lift him outside sometimes.
• this is not good when he has to poop
• sometimes I lift him and maybe just maybe I ignite the launch sequence.
• Ew.
• The Middle makes me laugh.
• Modern Family makes me laugh.
• Dance Mom’s makes me mad.
• I can’t watch it anymore
• Katie Mei is supposed to be resting.
• She is exhausted.
• But she is cleaning her room.
• on her own.
• I love that girl.
• My air conditioning went on in my house
• in March.
• we have been watching The Facts of Life.
• I love Tootie.
• And Natalie.
• who would name their kid Tootie?
• I mean really?
• Wait
• I did have a friend named Twinkie Marsh.
• really
• I did
• air conditioning smells a little like feet when it first clicks on
• maybe we need a new filter
• thrilling blog you are reading
• I feel really bad
• Helen Keller jokes make me laugh
• Jack knows a bunch
• at dinner the other night Jack made Sam laugh so hard he spit water all over
• I could not stop laughing
• I want to go to Hawaii
• or England
• last week at Chemo there was a family from England.
• The mom said very loudly “Johnny don’t be so DAFT”
• I think I laughed for about an hour
• and I use that line all the time.
• DAFT
• dude
• that is an awesome word
• I have totally been stress eating
• wish I was one of those people that couldn’t eat when stressed
• I am not
• I eat
• one of the chemo drugs makes her pee red
• freaked Michael out a little
• heh
• I haven’t slept through the night in 3 weeks
• I feel like newborn baby days
• I didn’t do well in those days
• I got crabby
• really crabby
• oooh crab sounds good right now
• right back to food
• I may have some fun news to share soon
• and NO
• we are not adopting, having a baby or otherwise adding to our family in any way
• it is pure fun
• and crazy
• and insane
• and I rethinking it every second
• but I will go through with it
• I think
• stay tuned for that one
• we need a new barbque
• The Duggar’s say “let’s grill out”
• really?
• grill out?
• does anyone else say that?
• I cannot wait for Family Kamp this summer
• I cannot wait for a night away with my husband
• I can wait to go wig shopping
• anyone want a cute friendly 3 year old golden retriever
• though I love her
• we will keep her
• her hair is killing me
• well
• I am boring myself
• so I will go
• aw crap
• I just saw a fly.
• it is WAY to early for flies.
• goodbye.

This past week we have been welcomed into another family.  One I think I never anticipated being a part of.  The cancer family.  Cancer.  Wow. That is a huge word to me.  And sounds so strange rolling off my tongue.

Our sweet girl, Katie Mei has been diagnosed with stage 2 Hodgkins Lymphoma.  We are are thankful that we found out, thankful that we have an amazingly wonderful family physician who is walking through this with us.  And now, we have a brand new family.  One that includes a doctor who is kind, and knows his stuff- and also treated Katie Mei with kindness, humor and truly listened and answered her every question.  A new family that includes what I perceive to be our lifeline- the sweet nurses.  And the other children and families sharing this road.  How blessed we are.

So, here we are.  On a road we didn’t expect.  Our families life is diverted, changed.  And certainly not in the direction we were headed.  Or so we thought.  We have been comforted and convicted in the fact that this journey is not a surprise for our God.  He knew that we would be walking this road.  He knew that our sweet Katie Mei would be facing this big monster called Cancer.

Above all else, we feel Him.  We feel His overwhelming love and peace and ultimately his healing.  Katie Mei said to me yesterday “Momma, I am scared.  That word, cancer is so scary.  But  Momma, God is bigger then this.  He is bigger, and I want other people to know that.” My sweet girl, indeed God is bigger then this cancer that has invaded your beautiful body.

I wish it was me.  I wish I had those awful cells multiplying inside me.  But, it is my sweet girl.  So while we didn’t expect this path, didn’t see this turn in the road, here we are.  Facing this rough patch.  All the while having the Lord go before us making our path a little smoother.

And a brand new family to face it with.

Welcome to the family.

We are thankful for it.