markmiller6

So,  here we are.

In remission.

Well, Katie officially is in remission.

She was diagnosed on February 13th. Now not even 3 months later, she is in remission.

What just happened?

I mean really!  It seems almost like it was a dream.

Only she has lost all her hair.  And has scars on her body.  And gets tired still very easily.

And our family is different.

Closer.

More intent.

More apt to hugging.

Laughing more then correcting.

Forgiving more than holding a grudge.

Realizing that life changes daily.

Realizing that we can do nothing to stop it.

Thankful that we don’t carry our burdens alone.

Thankful that we are not in control.

Amazed at how fast this life is flying by.

Yes.

Our family is different.

And oddly,

we have cancer to thank.

I will share my thoughts.

I know.

Hold on to your pants.

• my house looks like it threw up.
• my laundry has not folded itself
• I told it to.
• Stupid laundry.
• I wish I could share with you that I have lost all my stress weight.
• But I haven’t.
• So I can’t.
• Pass the crackers.
• I have a slight obsession with my daughters bald head.
• I have a slight obsession with touching and rubbing said head.
• “slight” is subjective.
• all our kids will be at the same school next year
• all our kids are SO excited.
• me too.
• why are june bugs crawling all over?
• do they not consult the calendar?
• they don’t consult me
• I am scared.
• of the summer.
• and the pool.
• and bathing suits.
• and cellulite
• I love being outside
• I detest the smell of outside once inside
• wow
• that made very little sense
• what else is new
• I miss my sisters
• my bestie and her sweet girl are coming TODAY
• I am so freaking excited
• SNL Surprise??
• Anyone??
• My lips are dry, my knuckles are locked
• Two babies at the SAME TIME?
• It is on HULU
• You are welcome
• more dead armadillos
• thankfully not in the hay meadow
• just on the road
• turtles will be next
• I hate turtles
• they scare me
• especially big ones
• all dry and wrinkly
• I love lotion
• Katie has learned many things through her cancer trip
• the main one
• she NEVER wants to be a nurse or doctor
• but she loves hers
• things I have learned
• always carry an emesis bag
• look at that word
• it is fancy
• and never ever wear non-waterproof mascara
• if you could wouldn’t you want clean sheet day everyday?
• haven’t been sleeping well
• there is no good TV on at night
• ever listened to Coast to Coast AM?
• wow
• please do
• at your earliest convenience
• I have learned much about aliens
• and doomsday preparation
• and people in Arkansas.
• I love the news here in OK.
• I do.
• the weather guy wears a sparkly bedazzled tie when there is bad weather
• in LA the weather guy talks about Britney Spears.
• I have learned to LOVE thunderstorms
• our back yard floods
• Michael gets out a sump pump
• that is fun to say
• like francisco
• I cannot not wear make up anymore
• I feel old
• let’s get real
• I look old.
• I want to go on a vacation.
• I would love to go to Hawaii.
• but.
• That means bathing suits.
• remember the crackers?
• and the cellulite?
• never mind.
• I love cake batter.
• and cookie dough.
• maybe I am starting to see a reason for my fears
• of summer.
• RING PHONE
• this waiting for test results is killing me.
• so now
• I will go
• smash june bugs
• fold sheets
• and pray that whatever Maisy has in her mouth right now
• isn’t an armadillo
• um
• ew
• EW
• a turtle.
• Goodbye
• forever.
• or until tomorrow.

We met this little bundle.

She had already won our hearts.

Her joy was infectious.

Her smile lit up every room.

She opened a place in my heart that I never knew existed.

She brought us a deeper knowledge of the love of our Father.

Our lives have been forever changed.

Our joy is bigger.

Our goofiness is goofier.

7 years with you

Have been amazing

Sweet Katherine Mei Jingying Markmiller

You amaze us with your courage.

You inspire us.

Happy Gotcha Day sugar plum.

We love you.  Forever and always.

Alright.  We are about 3 weeks into our new reality.  And I am tired.  Exhausted really.  And have been eating way too much.  So here goes.  My thoughts in random form.  Which truly is how they happen.  I know.  Creepy.

• I cannot keep up with the dog hair on my floors.
• my older dog makes me sad.
• he is not in pain but has a really hard time walking
• and I have to lift him outside sometimes.
• this is not good when he has to poop
• sometimes I lift him and maybe just maybe I ignite the launch sequence.
• Ew.
• The Middle makes me laugh.
• Modern Family makes me laugh.
• Dance Mom’s makes me mad.
• I can’t watch it anymore
• Katie Mei is supposed to be resting.
• She is exhausted.
• But she is cleaning her room.
• on her own.
• I love that girl.
• My air conditioning went on in my house
• in March.
• we have been watching The Facts of Life.
• I love Tootie.
• And Natalie.
• who would name their kid Tootie?
• I mean really?
• Wait
• I did have a friend named Twinkie Marsh.
• really
• I did
• air conditioning smells a little like feet when it first clicks on
• maybe we need a new filter
• thrilling blog you are reading
• I feel really bad
• Helen Keller jokes make me laugh
• Jack knows a bunch
• at dinner the other night Jack made Sam laugh so hard he spit water all over
• I could not stop laughing
• I want to go to Hawaii
• or England
• last week at Chemo there was a family from England.
• The mom said very loudly “Johnny don’t be so DAFT”
• I think I laughed for about an hour
• and I use that line all the time.
• DAFT
• dude
• that is an awesome word
• I have totally been stress eating
• wish I was one of those people that couldn’t eat when stressed
• I am not
• I eat
• one of the chemo drugs makes her pee red
• freaked Michael out a little
• heh
• I haven’t slept through the night in 3 weeks
• I feel like newborn baby days
• I didn’t do well in those days
• I got crabby
• really crabby
• oooh crab sounds good right now
• right back to food
• I may have some fun news to share soon
• and NO
• we are not adopting, having a baby or otherwise adding to our family in any way
• it is pure fun
• and crazy
• and insane
• and I rethinking it every second
• but I will go through with it
• I think
• stay tuned for that one
• we need a new barbque
• The Duggar’s say “let’s grill out”
• really?
• grill out?
• does anyone else say that?
• I cannot wait for Family Kamp this summer
• I cannot wait for a night away with my husband
• I can wait to go wig shopping
• anyone want a cute friendly 3 year old golden retriever
• though I love her
• we will keep her
• her hair is killing me
• well
• I am boring myself
• so I will go
• aw crap
• I just saw a fly.
• it is WAY to early for flies.
• goodbye.

I have heard those words a few times in my life.  At a new church, which is most welcome.  When we entered the world of adoption, amazingly wonderful.  Even dealing with a colicky baby, we were warmly welcomed into that family as well.

This past week we have been welcomed into another family.  One I think I never anticipated being a part of.  The cancer family.  Cancer.  Wow. That is a huge word to me.  And sounds so strange rolling off my tongue.

Our sweet girl, Katie Mei has been diagnosed with stage 2 Hodgkins Lymphoma.  We are are thankful that we found out, thankful that we have an amazingly wonderful family physician who is walking through this with us.  And now, we have a brand new family.  One that includes a doctor who is kind, and knows his stuff- and also treated Katie Mei with kindness, humor and truly listened and answered her every question.  A new family that includes what I perceive to be our lifeline- the sweet nurses.  And the other children and families sharing this road.  How blessed we are.

So, here we are.  On a road we didn’t expect.  Our families life is diverted, changed.  And certainly not in the direction we were headed.  Or so we thought.  We have been comforted and convicted in the fact that this journey is not a surprise for our God.  He knew that we would be walking this road.  He knew that our sweet Katie Mei would be facing this big monster called Cancer.

Above all else, we feel Him.  We feel His overwhelming love and peace and ultimately his healing.  Katie Mei said to me yesterday “Momma, I am scared.  That word, cancer is so scary.  But  Momma, God is bigger then this.  He is bigger, and I want other people to know that.” My sweet girl, indeed God is bigger then this cancer that has invaded your beautiful body.

I wish it was me.  I wish I had those awful cells multiplying inside me.  But, it is my sweet girl.  So while we didn’t expect this path, didn’t see this turn in the road, here we are.  Facing this rough patch.  All the while having the Lord go before us making our path a little smoother.

And a brand new family to face it with.

Welcome to the family.

We are thankful for it.

Well.

This verse is challenging me right now.